Episode #4: Look for eden, find dreams

So I told you the story about the first 3 days on the Ocean Cleanup Mega Expedition.

Then came magical day 4 and from then on, things started going uphill. Significantly. By not having to concentrate on our bodies and nausea, we started noticing how blue the Pacific Ocean was and how beautifully the sun set and how small we were on this tiny little boat in this world of deep and vast and powerful water.

To us, the waves seemed smaller, our sailing skills became better, the sun was shining and I regained my capability to cook edible food. We found a whole bunch of dry food that was left over from the Transpac Regattta and it felt like Christmas.

Also, Eloy discovered Spam (a sort of leftover meat in cans) and mixed big chunks of it in the egg powder for breakfast tortillas. I thank him for doing this but I know I will happily live without Spam for the rest of my life.

So our bodies got stronger, we started making jokes and got to know each other, we noticed each others personalities. We never reached “Eden”, that quiet mirror-like part of the ocean without the slightest wind where we would swim and dry all our clothes. The high had moved out of our way.

DREAM A LITTLE DREAM

Twice, when I was really scared sailing at night with rain in my eyes and no star in sight, I sang to myself silently. The song that I kept on singing or humming was “dream a little dream of me” by Mamas & The Papas. And the most peculiar thing during the second week was my dreams.

As a kid, I would spend hours by myself, just staring into nothing and dreaming. It helped me survive school and I can remember getting upset when people would force me to snap out of it.

As I grew older, I would sometimes find those silver threads of daydreams for a few hours hours when traveling – on buses and trains or just waiting for something. But it got harder and harder, I had to work for it and often I went for months without dreaming. Days or nights, in fact.

On the boat, it came back. With great force. In the second week on the boat my dreams were going crazy. The confusion they caused would last and during my watches, they would come back even though I was awake.

I cannot recall anything like this happening to me as an adult.

Tom and I spoke about it and he said that these dreams were all unfinished thoughts and that my brain was cleaning itself. That’s what it felt like.

And it made that time on the ocean – not speaking while on watch – invaluable. For me it was probably the best thing about this whole trip.

No phones, no advertising, no internet, no books, no music, no people I felt obliged to. Catharsis.

Some of those dreams were strongly linked to the questions currently keeping my thoughts busy. I was sure I’d come to one or two conclusions out there. And I did.

Here are some of them:

• Giving up smoking after 20 years of (heavy) smoking is not hard. It’s hard to make the decision to quit.
• I might not be as alpha as I thought I am. I am actually quite comfortable in the passenger seat.
• Adventures are great and I will always love them. But I love coming home more. And being (a) home.
• I like the adjectives gentle, interesting, tender, loving, open, funny, intelligent, caring and feminine much more than cool.
• I need to avoid being in an office all day every day. It’s not good for me.
• Thankfulness. My life is epic.